Have you ever been motivated by a girl/boy that you’ve met, with whom you developed a genuine connection? Well that is what has happened to me! I always thought that your partner needs to inspire you to do better. Your other half or your future other half needs to make you feel like a better person when you are together; physically or otherwise. This girl I met on a family trip let’s call it, has made me a better version of myself; however cliché that sounds. But it is true, I feel more confident, in charge, and even more successful even though I don’t have a lot to show for (or so I think). I don’t know, have you ever thought that a single person can make you feel so special that you break out of your shell and become this entirely different person. I can’t say that I have transformed into an unbelievable success story because of her, but what I can admit to is being much more productive and motivated to be better. I wish I could tell her how much she means to me even though we’ve only spent a week together; literally one week! And the first few days were extremely rough! Both of us are very independent and head strong individuals who have strong and concrete understanding of who we are. I have no idea what will become of this relationship but I sure hope it flourishes into something magical… In all honestly I don’t even think that anything will come of it but I sure hope my momentum never dies down. She has lit a fire under my tail so powerful that I can’t stop moving, I have to be doing something; i want to succeed, I want to conquer the world, I want to be an inspiration to others and never give up improving. We live worlds apart and a long distance relationship is scaring us both. How many times have you woken up in the morning feeling motivated by your significant other? I only wish to find someone like her in my time zone. And if I can’t I’m willing to wait until that happens, assuming that her and I don’t end up together. I sure hope this upon everyone; it’s a blessing and a key to a long lasting fruitful relationship, at least in my eyes. I wake up with a thought of her contacting me and go to sleep with the exact same thought. I have no idea how she feels but she gives me subtle hints that she likes me. I dream to one day have a serious talk so we can lay our cards on the table and reach a conclusion. However, that scares me to bits because I’m afraid she is not on the same page as I am. And if she doesn’t share the same affection towards me as I do for her I’m afraid of losing the path she set me on! What do you do in situations like these, where do you turn, who do you talk to, most importantly who can give you an advice?! I have a few friends who tell me it won’t work, and others say “give it a try you never know what may arise from it!” What do I do?? Who do I believe or trust? I’d like to say that I should trust my own gut and feelings but unfortunately they have disappointed me in the past… I always say or at least I started to say “live in the moment, not the past or the future” and for now it seems to work. So, for now I shall keep on moving forward with the thought of being in the present moment. I don’t want to worry about the future, nor the past and its failed experiences and wasted time; I simply want to do my best in the present instance. This is what I’m feeling right now; this is what this person has done to me. I can’t be more grateful to her, she is what I needed in a long time; this is what your other half (even though she isn’t mine) should be doing to you! There aren’t enough hours in a single day to accomplish what I want to accomplish. My advice is don’t settle, keep searching keep looking, because this feeling I cannot compare to any other. This feeling cannot be replicated under false pretences, it has to come from the source and that source is waiting for you somewhere. It has to, without it you are a bottomless pit just wasting your precious moments way. She just texted me, I am overwhelmed with joy and passion for life. A simple “psst psst” whatever that means.. I’m such a fool getting excited over a simple mouth noise translated into text. I can never get enough of her texts even though a lot of the times there isn’t much substance to them. Am I hopelessly in love or lust or what? She calls me babe, but what should I make of this? Does she call everyone her babe or is it just me! So many question and so few answers, this couldn’t be more complicated. Do I want to ask her where we stand or should I give her time, after all it’s only been four days since we’ve been apart. I don’t want to scare her or give the impression that I’m needy. Usually I’m very blunt and straight to the point, but with this girl I should tone it down a notch.. I think… You’re probably asking yourself why not just ask her or make the move, and the answer to that is I’m afraid. Not so much afraid of losing her but afraid that if I lose her I will lose my momentum… But now I can’t decide whether I’m attracted to her or to how she makes me feel, and is there even a difference??? Emotions have never been my strong subject of understanding. As I write this letter, journal entry or whatever you please to call it she is getting ready for bed. Its late hours of the night, nearly morning where she is and it’s not even bed time for me… time zone!!! you cruel entity you!!! She went to bed, we ended on a great note; I wished her sweet dreams and my soul is at peace.
I don’t know what tomorrow holds but right now I know where my heart belongs. I live in the moment now and the moment is great! I have never posted anything online but I think I’ll post this and see if I can add an update perhaps tomorrow!
With this I bid you all a good night!
Day 5, first entry.
my life in the present 